Fly on the E-Commerce Cyberwall

Perfectionism and Your "Happily Ever After"
Throughout the week, I've shared with you thoughts about perfectionism. Perfectionism has both a bright side and a dark side.

Approaching it from the bright side focuses on achieving positive results. This approach may start with a plan of how to obtain those results. The plan remains adaptable, though.

As setbacks block certain routes to the desired goal, this kind of perfectionism seeks new routes instead of agonizing over the one that is blocked. Similarly, as moving forward with the plan reveals even better routes to the desired goal, this kind of perfectionism gladly embraces those better routes instead of feeling tied to the original plan.

In short, the good side of perfectionism focuses on the results instead of on how to reach them. Because my experience with perfectionism has largely been with the dark side of it, I prefer to define the good side of perfectionism as pursuing excellence. I like to keep the two very different mindsets distinct.

The dark side of perfectionism views tasks from an all-or-nothing, one-shot viewpoint. Either everything goes exactly as originally planned, or the whole thing is a failure, no matter how positive the results may be. Each task is viewed as a final destination instead of as a step along a larger journey.

I've found this fragmented way of looking at life harmful. Furthermore, it's based on a fallacy. The rest of our lives is not a destination we arrive at. It is something we have the privilege of creating every day. The joy is in the journey, not in some mythical destination we never reach.

Sometimes, we'll make missteps. Sometimes we'll have to retrace our steps and try again. But if you focus on making the most of the journey instead of on the missteps, you'll get a lot more out of it.

You'll discover things you would have been too busy beating yourself up to see. You'll turn missteps into learning opportunities. You'll gain new insights from overcoming obstacles instead of merely bemoaning them.

You'll enjoy the journey more. And you'll likely will end up with far better results than you originally envisioned.

That brings us around to the antidote for the dark side of perfectionism: gratitude. The dark side of perfectionism is fueled by fear. The dark side of perfectionism is fueled by a feeling of lack. It is fueled by the feeling that if we don't get everything absolutely perfect, we'll remain stuck in that position of lack. We'll remain vulnerable.

Living our lives with gratitude for what we already have and for the discoveries we make along the way drives out that fear. Even obstacles become positives that help us grow.

Living with a viewpoint of gratitude for what we have lets us build our lives. Each resource we already have, each discovery we make, each obstacle we overcome becomes another brick with which we build a happier, more secure life.

Living with a viewpoint of fear and lack actually causes whatever feeble structure we already have to crumble. It robs us of seeing the building materials that lie all around us. It chips away the mortar that holds together the bricks we have already put in place.

When we pursue the dark side of perfectionism, we do it in the hope that one, big push will rescue us from our lack and give us a "happily ever after." We want a "happily ever after" to our lives. We should seek the courage to live our lives "gratefully ever after," no matter the circumstances. Only when we live "gratefully ever after" will we see all that we have to be grateful for.
Jeff

Labels: business success, mindset, perfectionism