Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Are You Addicted to Failure?
I recently went through the CDs I received as part of Mike Kemski's BANABU program. Suddenly, I came across one that had a fascinating topic: addiction to failure.
He suggests a very plausible sounding theory that our inability to break free from old ways of thinking that block us from achieving our desires are rooted in the chemical reactions in our brains -- that we actually train our brains over the years to crave the negative emotions they are used to.
While the chemical reaction he describes is interesting, I won't go into it here.
But whether a chemical addiction exists or not, I believe that we can and do set ourselves up for failure by the way we set our expectations.
When you expect failure, you achieve it.
Back when I was in college, my girlfriend and I were starting to talk about marriage. Somehow, though, I just couldn't accept the idea that this girl might actually want to marry me.
I started looking for signs that this simply wasn't going to happen. I got defensive, expecting a breakup with her. Lo and behold, a couple of weeks later, she told me she had fallen for another guy and was breaking up with me.
Coincidence? Or did my expectation of a breakup cause me to act in a way that caused her to lose her attraction to me?
On the other hand, when things got serious with another girl I dated a few years later, I learned my lesson. When the same doubts about whether a very special woman named Joanne would really want to marry me arose, I remembered how I had sabotaged myself with the other girlfriend. I squelched those thoughts.
The result? Joanne and I recently celebrated our 28th anniversary.
When a person starts to label themselves accident-prone, they experience mishap after mishap. Are they truly accident prone? Or do they subconsciously act carelessly to fulfill their expectation?
If you, deep-down, expect to fail with your finances, eventually you do.
When things go well, cash flows in. But a little voice in the back of your head tells you it isn't going to last. Instead of using the windfall to fuel further financial success, you panic.
You figure you'd better quickly buy all those things you've been putting off, because you won't have the money long. Suddenly the money's gone. Maybe you find yourself in an even worse position than you were before because in your rush to buy what you needed, you forgot to figure in all your expenses and suddenly find yourself short on cash.
The same thing happens when finances are down. Rather than formulate a plan to work your way out of the situation methodically, you go after long shots in hopes of a sudden, quick score.
One quick score after another fails. Your situation worsens and you put your hopes into long shots that have even less chance of success. The downward spiral accelerates.
In both cases, the expectation of failure directly causes of the failure you experience.
It's essential to break the cycle of negative expectations.
Frankly, I don't know whether Mike Kemski is right or not. I don't know if there's a chemical component that leads us to crave failure if that's what we expect.
But I've seen in my life repeatedly that the things I expected to fail at, I did. And the things I expected to succeed at, I did, as well.
Jeff
P.S. One of the best helps I've found for understanding and changing my mindset is Mike Kemski's BANABU. It takes you step-by-step through exercises that help you take greater control of your path through life.
Check out BANABU. It will help you untangle whatever wiring in your head leads you to fail. And it will help you develop new ways of thinking that lead to success.
I recently went through the CDs I received as part of Mike Kemski's BANABU program. Suddenly, I came across one that had a fascinating topic: addiction to failure.
He suggests a very plausible sounding theory that our inability to break free from old ways of thinking that block us from achieving our desires are rooted in the chemical reactions in our brains -- that we actually train our brains over the years to crave the negative emotions they are used to.
While the chemical reaction he describes is interesting, I won't go into it here.
But whether a chemical addiction exists or not, I believe that we can and do set ourselves up for failure by the way we set our expectations.
When you expect failure, you achieve it.
Back when I was in college, my girlfriend and I were starting to talk about marriage. Somehow, though, I just couldn't accept the idea that this girl might actually want to marry me.
I started looking for signs that this simply wasn't going to happen. I got defensive, expecting a breakup with her. Lo and behold, a couple of weeks later, she told me she had fallen for another guy and was breaking up with me.
Coincidence? Or did my expectation of a breakup cause me to act in a way that caused her to lose her attraction to me?
On the other hand, when things got serious with another girl I dated a few years later, I learned my lesson. When the same doubts about whether a very special woman named Joanne would really want to marry me arose, I remembered how I had sabotaged myself with the other girlfriend. I squelched those thoughts.
The result? Joanne and I recently celebrated our 28th anniversary.
When a person starts to label themselves accident-prone, they experience mishap after mishap. Are they truly accident prone? Or do they subconsciously act carelessly to fulfill their expectation?
If you, deep-down, expect to fail with your finances, eventually you do.
When things go well, cash flows in. But a little voice in the back of your head tells you it isn't going to last. Instead of using the windfall to fuel further financial success, you panic.
You figure you'd better quickly buy all those things you've been putting off, because you won't have the money long. Suddenly the money's gone. Maybe you find yourself in an even worse position than you were before because in your rush to buy what you needed, you forgot to figure in all your expenses and suddenly find yourself short on cash.
The same thing happens when finances are down. Rather than formulate a plan to work your way out of the situation methodically, you go after long shots in hopes of a sudden, quick score.
One quick score after another fails. Your situation worsens and you put your hopes into long shots that have even less chance of success. The downward spiral accelerates.
In both cases, the expectation of failure directly causes of the failure you experience.
It's essential to break the cycle of negative expectations.
Frankly, I don't know whether Mike Kemski is right or not. I don't know if there's a chemical component that leads us to crave failure if that's what we expect.
But I've seen in my life repeatedly that the things I expected to fail at, I did. And the things I expected to succeed at, I did, as well.
Jeff
P.S. One of the best helps I've found for understanding and changing my mindset is Mike Kemski's BANABU. It takes you step-by-step through exercises that help you take greater control of your path through life.
Check out BANABU. It will help you untangle whatever wiring in your head leads you to fail. And it will help you develop new ways of thinking that lead to success.
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