Fly on the E-Commerce Cyberwall

I rewrote some copy on a client's site today with verbs in mind. I turned
bland, generic copy into scenarios to get into readers' heads. Here's the
first one as originally written:

"Through years of research and development, we have developed a process known as high-definition etching. High-definition etching photographically reproduces photos or artwork on glass, creating etched works of art.

"These etchings, with their contrasting shades, give each image a feeling of depth and beauty. We can take photographs, pictures or paintings and reproduce them in etched form on any flat glass surface. Whether you use our stock images or have your own idea or custom project, these etchings are photo realistic and stand alone in quality and beauty."

Strictly explanatory. It doesn't sound bad. But it doesn't get inside your head.

Here it is rewritten:

"How do we produce such unexpected detail? Other etchings grind deeply into the surface of the glass, erasing any possibility of fine details and crunching the glass surface into tiny shards that leave a rough surface where it's been etched.

"But run your finger over the etching you receive from us. You'll find the etching so delicate that the etched surface feels almost as smooth as polished glass.

"That delicate etch is what gives you such detail.

"Yet, delicate as it is, your etching is still permanent. Clean it, polish it as much as you like. We guarantee you will never get it to fade or wear away.

"Display your etching in your home wherever it will make the most impact. Gaze at the delicately contrasting shades this process brings to it. Enjoy a feeling of realism beyond anything you ever expected from etched glass."